These are qualities of practice that I alluded to in my last blog. Most spiritual or personal development practices imply “improvement” or at least some kind of movement towards something.

I know that I have swung from trying to “repress” or “avoid” particular negative emotions or actions I have labelled as harmful to myself and others, or problematic at the very least, to indulging in the emotions or actions.

When I repress I tell myself a particular kind of story – how “bad” or “weak” I am, how lost I am or how I just can’t get my act together. I wallow in a critic-fest.

When I indulge I tell myself a different kind of story. I make enemy images of the people I am affecting – how they deserve it, how they brought it upon themselves, how I am acting righteously or justly to bring them to some new awareness. I criticise them.

Both ways are just stories I make up to justify my responses.

Now, however,  I am trying a middle way, one that has 3 processes.

Acknowledging

Now, I try and notice when I am moving towards repression or indulgence. I say hello to this movement, holding myself with a kind of friendliness that one feels with an old, dear friend.

“Oh, hello my dear friend anger. I can sense you arising in my body – I can feel the tension and tightening across the front of my chest and the shortening of my breath. I acknowledge you there just as you are.”

Accompanying

When I say hello to whatever is arising – what comes is a relationship between me and it. For example a relationship between me and anger. I am not anger and it is not me but we are here, in this moment, together. I can sense how it moves through me. I can accompany its arising, its response to my acknowledgement and I, now, can accompany it as it tells me what is up for it. I can listen to it and listen for its deeper needs or the values it thinks it will protect by doing what it is doing. I can accompany it a little way down the road.

Accepting

I can accept that this is how I feel just now and as I journey with it I can notice moment by moment shifts and changes. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing – it just means –yep, this is how it seems for me just now in this moment. I can accept that I might be experiencing suffering or discomfort. I can accept that it feels strong or overwhelming.

It may seem like accepting will be buying into the story (whichever one is being told) – yet that has not been my experience. I have found that once I accept whatever I am experiencing – no matter how subjective – a new possibility opens up for me. There comes a softening, a letting go, a relaxing of sorts.

And there, in that space I can invite something more.  I might invite some questions:

“Is this true, really true? Can I be absolutely sure that what I am telling myself  is true?”

“What needs or values are needing care in all of this?”

“Is there any other part of me that needs attention too? Is there something more that also needs to tell its story?”

“Is there something happening here that brings up old, unresolved material from my childhood? How can I best take care of myself if this is happening?”

“Can I get a felt sense of this – an image, a metaphor, a word that best captures all of it? Can I stay with this and explore my inner landscape and what it knows, in my body, about the best way forward?”

This process of acknowledging, accompanying and accepting is so helping me to connect more compassionately with myself. I am better able to stay with my present moment experiences and find such richness in them.  I sense they are the first step on a journey to a delightful self-acceptance.

Have you ever noticed that when you need to breathe most, you actually breathe less? When we are stressed, tired, agitated or angry our breath shrinks into a small space in our upper chest. Just when we are needing to oxygenate our body, to feel alert and yet calm we unconsciously reduce the ability of our body to feel alive.

Letting your whole body breathe acknowledges that our whole body is involved in our well-being and so we need to take care of it too.

You might like to try this exercise in letting your whole body breathe: Start by

noticing your breath – just where you feel it most fully now – where you can feel the in breath and the out breath with ease

allow yourself to feel the fullness of each in breath and the releasing of each out breath until you feel your shoulders relax

now bring your awareness to your nose – feel the cool air entering your nose and the warm air leaving for 2-3 breaths

next, feel your breath at the back of your throat – feel the cool air moving down the back of your throat and the sensation of the air leaving for 2-3 breaths

gently bring your awareness to your chest – feel the upper chest rise and fall with each breath for 2-3 breaths

and then feel your rib cage expand and release in the lower half of your chest for 2-3 breaths

now become aware of your solar plexus – that area just under where your ribs rise and meet at the centre of your body – notice the movement there with each breath for 2-3 breaths

letting your awareness drop down to your belly – sense the rise and fall or expansion and release of each breath and stay there for 4-5 breaths. You may even like to place your hands there.

Now, as you breath in visualise your breath going into the palm of your hands and up your arms to your shoulders on your in breath and back down again and out through your palms on your out breath. Let the air fill your arms and shoulders all the way out to the skin. Breath life into your arms and shoulders.

When you are ready bring your attention back to your hands resting on your belly and feel the rise and fall of your natural breath.

On your next in breath let air fill your hips and buttocks, bring life to your bones and organs all the way out to your skin. Feel the tingling energy of oxygen rejuvenating your cells and filling them with energy for as many breaths as your body needs.

Bring your awareness back to your palms for a few breaths.

Next, let your legs fill with oxygen on each in breath and on the out breath let the breath out through your skin. On each breath let your awareness move down your legs at your own pace until you are breathing in and out of your feet.

Now let your whole body breathe together.

Often we find it hard to centre ourselves if we are feeling scared, upset,angry, frustrated etc.

My personal experience has been that following the flow of my breath does bring some settling but I don’t necessarily end up feeling centred – I think because following my breath in and out of my body is an experience that involves movement. For me, centredness has a quality of stillness, a quality of rest.

The following exercise helps to regulate emotions as we go and find a kind of calm state that anyone can achieve.

Start by becoming aware of your breath and then follow your breath down into your body … and try to let your focus settle into your physical center, at the bottom of your inhalation. That sense of the bottom of our breath is our centered calm point. You might rest your hand there…at the place where you find the bottom of your breath. And just keep your attention on where your breath bottoms out. If your breath moves, move your hand with it. Keep this place company. You will know when you are centred.

I live in Oz but have married a Brit and have to confess the cup of  tea has taken on a whole new meaning in my life. It is perfect for any occasion.

Not sure what to write next – have a cup of tea.

A seemingly innocent conversation now teetering on the brink of an argument – have a cup of tea.

Just in from work – cup of tea. Just arrived at work – cup of tea. Just up in the morning – cup of tea. Just before bed – a cup of tea (chamomile of course).

Eyeing up those yummy cookies in the cupboard – have them with a cup of tea.

Bad phone call – cup of tea.

Phone call which is bound to be long from recently “made single” girlfriend  – mug of tea.

I reckon we could come up with a wonderful list from tea drinkers about the time tea saved their marriage, saved their sanity or just plain gave them time to "go slow."

How has tea therapy worked for you?