Pathways to Liberation

by leona on August 4, 2010

MP900433055[1] Have you ever wondered what the skills are that support self-development and connection in our world.

I recommend you check out this new NVC-related web-site called "Pathways to Liberation" which gives a comprehensive list of skills. They have also created a skill matrix exploring the development of these skills from “unskilled, to awakening, to capable, to integrated”.

This week I am going to circle where I am on the matrix and then ask 2 two dearly beloved and trusted friends to do the same for me (to check if my self-perception aligns with how others experience me)…

I really like how it is articulated here. You can check out this list of skills here:

These are the skills they list are:

  • Presence: Being attentive to what is happening right now.  Not lost in thinking, emotional reactions, etc.
  • Observing: Noticing (and possibly describing) our sensory and mental experiences, and distinguishing these experiences from the interpretations we ascribe to them.
  • Feelings awareness: Ability to identify and experience our physical sensations and emotions.
  • Self-acceptance: Accepting oneself with unconditional caring.
  • Taking ownership of one’s feelings: Living from the knowledge that I alone cause my emotions – my emotions are not caused by others.
  • Needs consciousness: Awareness of (and the willingness to honor) needs, the essential universal elemental qualities of life (like sustenance, love and meaning).
  • Re-connecting to self & recovering from reactivity: Reactivity is internal resistance to what is.  Recovery is letting go of that resistance.  Re-connecting to self is being with one’s own experience with presence and compassion.
  • Request consciousness & making requests: Willingness to ask for what one wants, with openness to any response; not attached to any particular outcome.
  • Mourning: Transforming the suffering of loss; letting go of resistance to what is, and being willing to allow our experience to unfold.
  • Empathy: Being present with another’s experience, with unconditional acceptance of the person.
  • Dissolving enemy images: Transcending one’s perceptions that another deserves to be punished or harmed.
  • Discernment: Clarity, insight, and wisdom in making life-serving distinctions and choices; recognizing one has choice.
  • Living interdependently: Living from the knowledge that every individual is related to every other individual – every part of a system affects every other part.
  • Honest self-expression: Owning one’s experience and having the willingness to express authentically without blame or criticism.
  • Facilitating connection: Facilitating empathy and honesty in dialogue with an intent to create connection.
  • Patience: Remaining spaciously present when one feels stress.  An ability to be with one’s own reactions, without acting out of them.
  • Responding to others’ reactivity: Responding rather than reacting to others who are caught up in intense separating emotions.
  • Openness to feedback: Receiving other’s perspective about our actions with equanimity and centeredness.
  • Beneficial regret: Acknowledging and learning from one’s missed opportunity to meet needs, without guilt, shame, or self-punishment.
  • Flexibility in relating: Openness and versatility in interacting with others.
  • Transforming conflict: Using conflict with others as a means to connect and create a mutual outcome.
  • Gratitude: Finding the value in, appreciating, and enjoying what is.
  • Openhearted flow of giving and receiving: Transforming scarcity thinking into thriving creatively; joyfully contributing and receiving.
  • Cultivating vitality: Tuning in to oneself to support balanced self-care; cultivating the energy to serve life.
  • Sharing power: Transforming domination; valuing everyone’s needs with mutuality and respect; transcending submission and rebellion.
  • Transcending roles: Aware that we are not the roles we play; having choice about what roles we adopt and how we respond to the roles others adopt.
  • Awareness of response-ability: Freely choosing one’s responses to what shows up in life, owning one’s part in what happens.  Not owning others’ parts, and acknowledging that one’s actions do influence others.
  • Supporting holistic systems: Consciously participating in the creation and evolution of holistic systems that foster general well-being.

And if you sign up for "the Matrix" for self-assessment for these skills through the box on the right-hand side of that page, you can then receive access to a document which further elaborates on the skill-set given here.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Karen August 17, 2010 at 8:38 am

Thanks Leona – what an amazing and comprehensive list of skills – I am imagining the time, thought and discernment that went into creating this list and feeling appreciation :)

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