The Big Cover up – stories we tell ourselves

I love this article from Puddledancer Press. I cannot count how many times the stories I have about myself or  the stories I tell myself about others has gotten in-between me and reality or me and real connection with myself and the other person.

To be perfectly honest there have been times when a small, quiet voice inside my head has suggested, in mid-argument, that maybe I am just telling a story to keep myself safe, or to keep myself feeling “right” or to keep to my position on an issue.

What if we could drop our stories? How would things change for us? How would we be more responsive? What would we let go of?

Please read on…

The Big Cover Up: How to Stop Hiding Behind the Stories We Create About Ourselves and Others

By Tiffany Meyer

Just weeks ago my partner and I had reached our biggest moment of disconnect, and our relationship was hanging on the brink of disaster. But before we started round number three, listing everything that was wrong with the other person, we decided to stop, take a break and get clear. 

What I discovered was this – we’d created the biggest cover-up story in history. I had covered up my heart under the story I’d made up about myself. And worse yet, I couldn’t even hear the man I love. Why? Because I’d buried him deep under the story I’d made up about him.

Getting Underneath it All
We’ve all been burdened at one time or another by the stories we make up about ourselves or the people we love. We can go on as is, feeding our stories and never finding the depth of love and connection we really want. But I suggest a much more enriching alternative: Uncover the needs behind the stories and open up your heart once and for all.

Try This Exercise:
Let’s look at how the stories we make up about ourselves prevent us from seeing and hearing what is alive in our heart. Follow the exercise below on your own, or with a practice group:

1. Use The Big Cover-Up Worksheet
2. Stand in front of a large or full-length mirror.
3. Close your eyes, take a couple of breaths, and relax your body.
4. Using the worksheet, reflect, write down, cut out, and paste to the mirror all of the labels and judgments you believe about yourself — whether positive or negative (for example: "stupid," "smart," "compassionate", "mean", "loser", "winner", "drug addict", "teacher").
5. Now, write down all of the thoughts about what you deserve ("to be treated fairly," "forgiveness," "to be punished," "to be alone"), about what you should or should not be thinking, saying or doing ("I shouldn’t have said that," "I should be more responsive," "I shouldn’t react so quickly."). Cut these out and paste them to the mirror.
6. Now write down any self-blaming statements you say to yourself. ("you’re just not cut out for love," "you mess things up," "you cause all of the conflict in this relationship," "why don’t you just let things go?"). Cut these thoughts out and paste them to the mirror.
7. Now look at the mirror. Can you see yourself? Or do you just see a pile of words and thoughts about yourself? Do these thoughts cover up your real self? Is it possible that they are only a story about you?

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