I want to write about an idea I have. It is still a young, tender, shoot of an idea.
It comes from both my NVC & Focusing practices.
Vision
I envision a world where local communities provide support and compassionate heartfelt listening for those who just feel the need to be heard; they may feel the need to celebrate, to share, to tell an old story or a new experience, they may be in conflict and or in personal crisis.
I envision a community where simply listening is one of many catalysts for healing and growth. Where being heard and hearing one another are regarded as equally,where listening is not the realm of professionals and is simply what we do because we are human.
We come together to listen with our hearts.
I wonder about creating some local spaces for listening & being heard.
- Local Listening Spaces: where people can come to be heard and to hear others. They would require no real experience except a willingness to keep the space safe for everyone and to let the speaker speak. We could have guidelines up on the wall and people could each have a handout also, that they have received by email and agreed to before coming (if this is the first time coming). The guidelines could mostly be about the QUALITY OF PRESENCE WITH SELF AND OTHERS and what that means for each individual, (bringing yourself back from thought, keeping eyes open if possible, saying YES to all that is manifesting inside and outside of you, SPEAKING WHEN BEING MOVED TO SPEAK by an inner movement and not to fill up space. The speaker can ask for silent listening or reflective listening. They can ask for group reflection or can ask for one-to-one listening and reflection from just one person in the group. In other words the speaker is empowered to be listened to in a way that supports them. They speak on what is alive for them. The group meets with no particular agenda. The basis of the whole circle process is SILENT PRESENCE and how deep and transformative our shared intention to support each other in Silent presence and in letting anything that is manifesting inside of us have a chance to come out and be honoured by the rest of the group.
- Local Conversation Spaces: Where people come to listen and be heard around an issue or a question. They have received some basic coaching in listening skills, asking open questions and simple, supportive group processes. The group is supported by a facilitator who has received & continues to receive training & support. Anyone can propose a topic for the agenda. It may be in response to a local issue or may be to explore a theme or global concern. A conversation space may arise with a homogeneous group or it might be a heterogeneous group. The group can form as energy coalesces around an issue or question and un-form as that energy dissipates naturally.
- Local Listening Councils:
When called by someone in conflict or in personal crisis, we create a circle of peers who gather in Council to listen, and create and opportunity for that person to be seen, acknowledge and heard. When the situation involves a conflict with others who are interested in Listening Council as a tool for mediation and reconciliation, we meet with all involved parties separately and then together. The Councils can provide a forum for the resolution of conflicts, both inner and outer. Listening Councils offer a safe place to express emotions, an opportunity for the depth of the difficulty to be revealed and accepted, and a way through the suffering into a new freedom where the gifts of the situation can be identified and appreciated.
Councils can consist of anywhere from 2-10 people, including at least one person trained in Compassionate Mediation who acts as facilitator. Sometimes specific listeners are specifically invited by the person requesting the Council; other times the call for listeners goes out to the local practice group and the Council consists of whoever can show up at the designated time. Peer listeners are motivated because of their personal connection to those in crisis and their desire to give back the support and live they have received during their own challenges and conflicts. Councils may meet only once, or in the case of conflicts with others, several times.
How is this different from other groups? I am envisioning them being open to everyone and encourage a culture of listening. I believe listening is as healing as being heard once we have a chance to develop the skill of listening from a space of supported presence.
It may open doors to teaching these skills to other groups or being known enough to be of use in times of community crisis.
Ok…I’m putting the idea out there…step 1 of an action step.
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Here, here, Leona (or hear, hear!). I totally agree. I especially like your LIstening Council idea.
I’ve blogged about Listening Spaces, the example of a couple with a child arguing at WalMart, and “The Trained Listening Facilitator” appearing to offer help, and the people accepting because they have been raised in a culture where such help is an understood given, not an “invasion of privacy,” and the three (with the child in safety — perhaps we will have easy-access childcare everywhere, too!) do a facilitated Interpersonal Focusing process — ahhhh! And have felt-shift/softening of their positions and toward each other. Ahhhh! What a world! Nothing I hate more than feeling powerless to respond in such situations…
And, of course, I support the idea of Changes Focusing Groups/Communities, at least one in every village, town, neighborhood in cities, perhaps connected to 12-wtep groups…
and Wisdom Circles for community problem solving, as spread by The Co-Intelligence Institute.
And, as a small step, anyone could start a Listening sharing circle at their church or synagogue or anywhere, as an alternative to “chatting” during coffee hour. As you say, the simple rules (in this case, “3 minute turns, no interruptions”) can be handed out, like at 12-Step meetings.
For more, try searching Conflict Resolution on my blog at http://www.cefocusing.com/wordpress
I would love to participate in something like this as a listener. Would we have to make people promise to keep what they hear confidential though? It’d make me nervous to speak to a group of people about my problems if I thought they’d go home and tell their family and friends all about me and my issues.
Hi Hope
Yes, I have wondered about the confidentiality issue too. What would need to happen for it to feel safe for you? In the Focusing world we have a way of speaking about an issue without speaking about the content. But even so, there is still vulnerability. I would love to know how other groups manage. 12 step program groups rely on confidentiality amongst members and as a consequence members sometimes travel outside their neighborhoods to areas where they wouldn’t be known to ensure that. Another way might be to ask for a one-to-one session with a group member you trust. And you pair off while the rest of the group stay “in circle”. As the group stays in process longer the trust will grow…