So…just wondering if you have checked in with your rules since our last exercise on clearing a space in your life around rules?
Have noticed any relaxation in your life? More space or flexibility? I did get some space and then, lo and behold, a whole bunch of less obvious rules surfaced.
I have noticed how many I have! Rules for the road, rules about how a cup of tea should be made, rules about washing clothes, rules about relationships and how they should work. Yep. Try keeping a rules diary for a day and notice how often your view the world through your rules.
When I have a rule about something I notice a couple of reactions come up for me:
- I judge something as right or wrong, good or bad, useful or useless etc.
- I think about how it should be done differently and how my way is best.
- I get worried, get anxious or even feel panicky when I notice my rule is not being followed. I get fearful. And even angry. I feel shame, guilt and embarrassment when I break my rules. YUK!
So, having been overwhelmed by my tsunami of rules I am going to take some time to get a feel for whether they serve my life by asking some basic questions.
Is this rule aligned with my core values? If not, what value are they aligned with? Is it a rule I want to keep?
Does this rule make my life easier or keep me safe? For example, my rules about how to wash clothes does make my life easier. My whites stay white, my delicates last longer and I hang it out to reduce my ironing. My rule about following road rules keeps me safe. My need for safety is prioritised over my need for autonomy and freedom of choice.
Does this rule bring lightness into my heart? If it is aligned with a need or value and it still brings a heaviness into my heart then maybe I need to explore how I give expression or live this rule. I may be fixated on a strategy that is no longer life serving and there may be many other ways to honour my values.
Are there any questions you would add? I’d love to hear how this process goes for you and what changes it brings into your life.
![MP900433055[1]](/blog/wp-content/thumb-cache/70x70-MP9004330551_thumb.png "MP900433055[1]")
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I hadn’t considered the possibility of resetting my rules, though now I don’t know why. I’m a bit aware of them, especially my rules about how other people should do things….and they don’t make me happy. But instead of taking time to consider them, I’ve always either used the rules to feel superior or let myself feel guilty about having rules. I like this different take.